The Great's Crafts: Depression

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Depression

I was diagnosed with depression April of 2013. It has been a long journey and I want to share my story, because I believe mental illness should be talked about, just like any other illness.

My father, and most of his family (so I hear) have depression. It was something my mother has told me for years. I didn't know what that meant until I was much older, you can read that story here.

As for me, I never wanted to disappoint my mother by telling her I, too, had depression. She would always tell me how glad she was that I didn't have depression and how lucky I was. When I was a little girl there were some very difficult things going on in our home and I didn't want to bother my mom. It seems naive of me, as a little girl, but I thought if I didn't share that with her, it would be easier for the both of us. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Instead of getting help, through medication and/or therapy, I white-knuckled it for years.

May of 2013 brought about a big change in our life. David lost his job and I has just started a part-time job, a job I thought would bring in some pocket money. Instead, my new job brought in much needed money for our family and severe depression, from working with horrid, horrid women. I had been so scared to say anything, I needed that job (and still do), so badly that I worried about sharing with HR the hazing that was going on. Instead, I white-knuckled the pain I was going through until I got to a breaking point.

Without going into too many details, at my lowest point, when I realized I was fighting an uphill battle all by myself I called my "adopted mom" and close friend, CJ. She lived too far from me to help and I knew it, but I knew she wouldn't be disappointed in my failure to "get by" without help. Or the fact that I couldn't cope with life. CJ told me very calmly to walk into my mom's house and tell her what was going on. As a 28-year-old I went to my mommy. I was terrified  told her I was scared that I had depression and it was winning. She helped me get a doctors appointment and has been very supportive, as has my husband.

It has been a roller-coaster. Work got better (one lady retired and one quit). My husband got a part-time job and, also, started school. And I began to see my depression as an illness that can flare up and I recognize it now. For example, it wasn't for months until I realized sitting and crying for hours and the constant self-loathing isn't normal behavior.

Some of the best things that have helped are reading blog posts from others who suffer from depression, you tube videos and books.

Here are a few of my favorite books, posts, quotes and videos.

Books:

Daring Greatly by Brené Brown - this book explains why I was so scared to tell my mom how I was hurting. I was scared to be vulnerable. Brown spent 9 years doing research on vulnerability and how as we share with others, we feel loved. Those who are happy, believe that they deserve happiness.

The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry by Rachel Joyce  - This book is amazing. I think it speaks to everyone, there is any amazing quote in this book:
“People were buying milk, or filling their cars with petrol, or even posting letters. And what no one else knew was the appalling weight of the thing they were carrying inside. The superhuman effort it took sometimes to be normal, and a part of things that appeared both easy and everyday. The loneliness of that.”
 I think that really explains how each of us needs each other. Be kind to everyone, you never know what they are going through. This book is a pilgrimage and I felt that I grew as I read it.



I adore Allie Brosh and her post on depression is INCREDIBLY helpful, I even printed this out and shared it with my doctor, who has shared it with other patients.


I have a pinterest board about depression, I put uplifting quotes, drawings, and blog posts. I hope you find it helpful.


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